After Scarlett was born, Bobby and I had the tough decision to make about when we were going to try again. Both of us pretty much agreed we wanted to try again as soon as possible.

I spent some time really thinking about it, and I was pretty nervous that if I got pregnant quickly, I would find myself wishing it was her. However, after talking to quite a few people that had been in similar situations and really thinking it over, I knew that I was ready as soon as I was cleared to try. I basically realized that no matter how long I wait, I’m always going to want Scarlett back. I also thought about how we had already been trying for two years, and we both just want to be parents so bad.

So, on September 20, 2018, I went up to meet with my fertility doctor again. This was just the appointment where I met with him and told him the story of what happened and we made the plan for the next cycle. I had 11 embryos still frozen, so we obviously planned for a frozen embryo transfer (FET).

I thought I had a period around the time I met with the doctor that day, because my bleeding after labor had been weird. I had kind of stopped bleeding, but then a few days before I met with the doctor, it got heavier again. I texted my OB (yes – the guy who delivered Scarlett honestly gave me his cell phone number because he is an angel!), and asked if it could be a period since it had been a month since delivery. He said it probably was my period, and to let him know if it didn’t go away in a few days. Naturally, it didn’t go away, so I went up for an ultrasound at the fertility doctor on October 3 to check everything out. They found something, and said it was probably scar tissue/residue left in my uterus from delivery.

On October 8, I took off work and had a procedure done called a hysteroscopy. This is kind of like a D&C, but less invasive. Everything went great with that, and they said they got everything out that they needed to. Then I was on track to do the transfer that cycle.

Now, on October 13 I had to start my new injections. These were much different than what I was used to. The first time we did IVF, I was doing the injections into my stomach with a tiny needle. They scared me, but these injections were way scarier! For an FET cycle, you have to do intramuscular injections. These are needles are each 1 1/2 inches long, and 22 gauge. They tell you the injection is in “your hip” – but it is essentially the top of your butt (like the love handle area haha!)

Luckily, I started with the injections only being every three days so I could ease myself into it. I also started with a medicine called Del Estrogen. This is a pretty oily medicine, but the dosing is very small. I watched a lot of videos and got tips for these. Some people said it’s better to be laying down, some said to ice the area before the shot, and a lot of people said to try to make the medicine warm before injecting. I kind of got down the best way to do it for me, and then started the Progesterone injections on October 26 – those are done every day! Not to mention, the dosing is much higher and it is very thick oil.

Then on Halloween I went up to Towson where my embryos are frozen and had my transfer. For some reason, even though they told me the embryo had thawed perfectly and the transfer went great, I just had a bad feeling. During the long 2ww, I had to continue the injections every day. This was fun because when Bobby has work, he can’t give me the injection (it has to be at the same time and he isn’t home in time). My mom did most of the injections that Bobby couldn’t do, but the first week of November, her and my dad were on vacation. I had so many various people injecting me during this time! It is truly amazing how many people I have recruited to inject me already – and how many people are willing to do this for me.

Anyway, on November 13, I went up for my blood work to see if the transfer worked. When I got the call that it didn’t work, I actually didn’t even cry or get upset. Like I said, I had a bad feeling the whole time so for some reason I just wasn’t surprised.

After I got my period, I went back up to start the next cycle on November 20. Luckily, I was pretty used to the injections from the last time, so I was ready to start everything again. We went through the fun of several different people injecting me again and I went up for my next FET on December 13. I felt much more optimistic this time. I tried to keep that optimism through my whole 2ww. My blood test was scheduled for December 26th. I knew that if it was positive, I would be due so close to Scarlett’s birthday. I was so hoping for such a great Christmas present, plus the chance of my babies sharing a birthday.

On the 26th, I even did some superstitious things. I went to my cousin’s house after the blood work (just like I had done the day I got the positive call). I also decided that I was going to let the call go to voicemail, since every time I had answered, it was negative. Bobby and I listened to the negative results together on my voicemail 🙁 This time I was really bummed. I was just so angry. I was supposed to have a baby already (my due date was December 20). I spent that day so angry at the world that it didn’t work. Especially since once again, everything had gone perfectly.

Anyway, now we are trying to figure out why things aren’t working. I decided to start this blog after my anger subsided, and it has been a great help. I am really hoping that through the testing we are doing this month, we will get some answers.

In the meantime, I feel like an expert now on these intramuscular injections, so if anyone is about to start them for the first time – feel free to reach out to me for advice!

Thanks for reading everyone – keep sending all the good vibes our way! 🙂

xoxo