Yesterday was the two year anniversary of starting my blog! I can’t believe it’s been two years already. I started this blog when I was feeling kind of similar to how I’m feeling now, so it seemed like a good time to write a new post.
When I started my blog, I was getting to the point where I felt like I had no idea when I would have a baby. I was getting annoyed that I had ever made plans for a baby, because I had already been trying for a baby for two years when I started this! (For anyone counting, that means it’s been 4 years since we started trying haha!) While we are forever grateful for our amazing baby girl, I am feeling a little like I felt two years ago. We had planned to try for another baby pretty much as soon as possible after Brooklynn, and I was so shocked when I got pregnant the first time we tried again! (See my last post for the details on that).
Anyway, after having a miscarriage so early on, I thought for sure things would just move along quickly and we could try again soon. Not to sound cold about it, I was definitely upset about the loss, but it also adds time to that timeline in my head; which is already so messed up.
Now not only is my timeline messed up, but this miscarriage process has taken me so long. As I mentioned in my last post, I had to have a D&C. I also talked about how I was waiting for my hcg level to get back down to zero so we could go ahead with the next FET cycle. As I went back and read my last post, I laugh at how naive I was. I wrote it on November 18, and I thought for sure I’d be at zero the week after that.
Meanwhile, it took until the first week of December before I finally hit zero! Then, we found out that we have to wait even longer to start the next round, because insurance renews in the beginning of the year. If we had started a cycle in December, my transfer would have been in January; because of this, the financial office wouldn’t approve the cycle. Even though my insurance is staying the same, they can’t have a cycle in the middle of insurance renewing. So now we wait again.
One upside to this, I was able to coordinate with my nurse to get on birth control. This is helpful because a cycle starts with a period. Since I have PCOS, I don’t always get a period, so the birth control will ensure I get one. Not to mention, now we know when it’s coming. So if all goes well, FET round 5 should be starting soon. My potential transfer day is February 15, putting me due at the end of October/beginning of November.
I am definitely happy to have a plan in place, but now I feel like I can’t get my hopes up. All I can think about lately is how I should be 17 weeks pregnant right now and I get frustrated. Seeing so many pregnancy announcements for people due in June (when I would’ve been due) is extra hard.
I’m basically at the point of feeling now like I have no idea when I’ll have another baby. I know I shouldn’t feel like that, especially since I have potential dates in place, but sometimes it’s just how you feel.
In the meantime, I am going to hug and squeeze my baby girl as much as possible and appreciate the amazing blessing that she truly is!

Thank you all, as always, for reading and being so supportive all the time! Here’s hoping we have another baby by the third anniversary of this blog!

xoxo