Last night, I was thinking about what to write for my next blog post…and I was really stumped. In fact, last night I was feeling super annoyed and negative about this whole process. I am about to go through my next cycle, and for some reason last night I had this terrible, terrible feeling that I am never going to have children.

I’m sure that anyone going through the infertility process has had these kind of thoughts. I was at the point where I can’t even picture myself as a mom anymore. I just keep thinking that I am going to do all the injections and doctor visits, and it’s just going to keep not working. At first, I couldn’t figure out what had got my into this negative rut, but I am really thinking it is probably because the last round of testing came back so good.

I know that sounds really opposite of what it should – but I really wonder, if everything is good and looks like it should…why isn’t it working?

Anyway, this post isn’t about all of that – last night made me realize that I want my post to be about how I stay positive.

Don’t get me wrong, as I’ve obviously made pretty clear, I definitely have moments where I feel super down and negative about this whole thing. However, overall, I think I’ve done a pretty nice job of staying more positive. Here’s some ways that I’ve done that…

Focusing on the good in my life

The first thing I literally do every day is think of everything good in my life. I know that sounds super cheesy, but I honestly do this every single day. I think about how happy I am that Bobby is so awesome through this whole thing. Even on the mornings when I am getting ready for work (which of course I am DREADING work! haha!) … I think about how incredibly lucky I am to work with some of the best people in the world. I swear I’m not just saying that. I know most people complain about how annoying their coworkers are – but mine are truly so awesome. I also think about how lucky I am to have a nice house, two adorable cats, and some really great family and friends. I am also not exaggerating when I say I think about all of those blessings EVERY DAY. Mostly because it puts a lot into perspective for me. I might see other people with children that make me so jealous – but they might not have some of the great things in their life that I have in mine. So I really, really try to be thankful for all of that as often as possible.

Therapy

I know this isn’t for everyone, but I am a big fan of therapy. First, you have to make sure you find someone that you feel totally comfortable with, which I know can take a few tries for some people. However, my therapist is amazing and I got so lucky to love the first person I went to see. I honestly don’t even go that often, but knowing that she is there and that I can go and talk to her is everything! While I have so many people in my life that are awesome, it is also really awesome to have someone that doesn’t know any of them to be able to talk to me about everything from an outsider perspective. I was also totally nervous for the first session, because it felt weird – but if you’ve ever even thought of possibly talking to someone – I really recommend giving it a try.

Doing things I love

The past few years, I have spent a lot of time on the weekends doing work-related things. Being a teacher means a lot of grading and planning. Now I definitely didn’t do this stuff every single weekend, but it happened at home a lot. This school year, I have a few things going for me. My team departmentalized – meaning I only teach reading and writing this year. This has saved my planning time like crazy. (It does mean that I have to grade about 75 writing papers at a time though!) Anyway, I decided that this year I was going to make it a priority not to grade papers or do work at home. There have been a few times (because it would never get done otherwise) that I’ve had to stay at work late to get stuff done. Also, on occasion I have brought things from school – but every time I make sure I grade them at the bowling alley! 🙂 (Yes, we are a “bowling family” haha!) Anyway, I don’t think that counts because I can sit at the table there and grade papers in between bowling frames – or while watching Bobby bowl.

This goal I’ve made for myself has really helped me enjoy my weekends more. Even if that means my weekend is just staying home and being lazy. I have made it a priority to enjoy the time I have when I’m not working, and I am also making sure I’m not doing things out of obligation. If I don’t want to do something, I am really working hard to say no and not do it.

Talking to people I love

Finally, the last thing that helps me stay positive is talking to the people that I love. I know I mentioned before that I have some great people in my life, and that is true. My husband works shift work, which can make it hard to talk to him as much as I want to. There are a handful of people that I make sure I call and talk to often. While I am definitely pretty introverted – there are people that put me in a good mood just by talking to them on the phone. I know a lot of people prefer to text someone and not call, but considering many of my friends live too far away to see that often, talking on the phone helps us stay close. I don’t necessarily talk to them about my infertility stuff all the time (they obviously hear about all the updates, etc.) – but just talking to them about anything helps me feel better. In fact, most of the time if I have been having a negative day I don’t even mention it. Just calling to chat ends up helping me move past those negative thoughts.

 

I included the quote with my post tonight, because I do think it is important for me to point out that being infertile and losing a baby really sucks. I’m not pretending it doesn’t. So, I’m not ignoring the negative AT ALL! However, it is going to drive you completely insane if you focus on the negative. You have to do everything you can to overcome the negative. While I am totally medicated for my anxiety (and not ashamed to say that), I also know that having a positive mindset is a choice you make. Even in the worst of my anxiety/depression after Scarlett (pre-medicine), I was able to feel better if I focused hard on the positive. Yes, there is something about anxiety that becomes overwhelming – to the point where you know you are being illogical but just can’t stop – but that doesn’t meant that happiness isn’t a deep-down choice you can make.

Some days suck – I won’t pretend they don’t. But the only way to get through this is to find the things that make the great days happen about 10x more often than the sucky days.

Maybe what you do is different than what I do, but try to find something to keep yourself positive and happy. If not, this whole process is so, SO, much harder.

xoxo